How is it already March!!
Well we are just slowly but surly marching on through our to-do's. We have both been tested, and we are waiting on our GC to be cleared, then we move forward with the lawyers. Hopefully the lawyer part will only take a month or so, but I have heard it can take 4 months or longer! Ugh, I hope that is NOT the case here!
We have started yet another fundraiser (pictured to the left), but I did want to clear something up, some of our sites say we are looking to raise $5k, and others have a lower goal of $2k or so, Our over all goal is $5k, which should cover at least half, if not more, of the lawyer fees. We had to put in some kind of goal on all of the other pages to be able to start accounts with them, so we are not looking for $5k here and $2k there, just a grand total of $5k. Not too hard... I hope!
Anyway, I wanted to address a more serious topic, and this topic has been one that I have tried to write on several times, but never really was able to explain exactly what I meant, but I think a blog is a good place to speak my mind and hope you are able to follow my thoughts.
Boundaries. We all know how the word is defined, but sometimes it is unclear what boundaries really are. For example, some pregnant women really do not care if you go up and start fondling their swollen bellies, however, some find belly fondling just as offensive as breast fondling, so as a general rule it is always best to ask permission first.
When it comes to infertility and treatments, such as surrogacy, there are some things people are comfortable talking about and other things people feel are extremely private; just as there are some people who are open books, like me, and others that prefer to keep their journeys private.
Over the past few years or so it has been brought to my attention that I sometimes am too open about my life and the situations I encounter, and in the past few days I realized how open I really am. Now, I am not saying there is anything wrong with being open, but I do think that people like me tend to assume everyone is as open as we are and will ask question that are really none of their business.
For example, One of my new IP friends was recently asked how the genetics will work in their surrogacy plan, who will be the "real" parents. This is a hot button for a lot of people because when talking about any kind of Adoption or Surrogacy, I do not care who gave birth or who's biological matter is used, the real parents are the ones who raise the child, period. If you mean to ask who's is the biological parents, why does it matter, so long as it isn't you, it really isn't any of your business. If you must ask, ask first! Ask if you can ask such a personal question, but be ready to tell all about how your children were conceived, I mean really, be ready to tell the positions used, how much foreplay, and how many tries it took. Too personal? That is exactly the kind of information you are asking... Intended parents like me may have turned to science but that does not mean that the whole world is invited into our bedrooms (or procedure rooms).
Now again, I do not mind being quizzed, so feel free to ask me, but just be aware of how personal your questions may actually be to other intended parents.
Another boundary that is a hot button for me personally is the people that try and fix things for you. I do not know how many times I have heard people tell me, after they find out we cannot have kids naturally, "oh, well you never know..." and " I had a friend who was told she couldn't then when she gave up..." NEWSFLASH... Sometimes WE KNOW!! and really, you are telling me to give up on trying and then it will happen... it doen't work that way when you do not have a uterus. I have to try... there will be no accidents in my womb. If I want to fill my nursery I have to move heaven and hell to make it happen, this is not something a shot of tequila will fix.
My absolute favorite is, "do you have kids?" Me: "No"..."oh, lucky you!"
ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!
I understand that having kids is not all cuddling and kisses, and that kids can be a huge pain in the rear, but I guarantee life with kids is 10 times better than life without them!
I guess my point is just this, be aware that just because your boundaries are limitless, other's are not. Do not just reach our and fondle other people's privacy, and think about the sensitive information you are asking people to reveal.
What are your boundary pet peeves? Let me know in the comments below!
Well we are just slowly but surly marching on through our to-do's. We have both been tested, and we are waiting on our GC to be cleared, then we move forward with the lawyers. Hopefully the lawyer part will only take a month or so, but I have heard it can take 4 months or longer! Ugh, I hope that is NOT the case here!
We have started yet another fundraiser (pictured to the left), but I did want to clear something up, some of our sites say we are looking to raise $5k, and others have a lower goal of $2k or so, Our over all goal is $5k, which should cover at least half, if not more, of the lawyer fees. We had to put in some kind of goal on all of the other pages to be able to start accounts with them, so we are not looking for $5k here and $2k there, just a grand total of $5k. Not too hard... I hope!
Anyway, I wanted to address a more serious topic, and this topic has been one that I have tried to write on several times, but never really was able to explain exactly what I meant, but I think a blog is a good place to speak my mind and hope you are able to follow my thoughts.
Boundaries. We all know how the word is defined, but sometimes it is unclear what boundaries really are. For example, some pregnant women really do not care if you go up and start fondling their swollen bellies, however, some find belly fondling just as offensive as breast fondling, so as a general rule it is always best to ask permission first.
When it comes to infertility and treatments, such as surrogacy, there are some things people are comfortable talking about and other things people feel are extremely private; just as there are some people who are open books, like me, and others that prefer to keep their journeys private.
Over the past few years or so it has been brought to my attention that I sometimes am too open about my life and the situations I encounter, and in the past few days I realized how open I really am. Now, I am not saying there is anything wrong with being open, but I do think that people like me tend to assume everyone is as open as we are and will ask question that are really none of their business.
For example, One of my new IP friends was recently asked how the genetics will work in their surrogacy plan, who will be the "real" parents. This is a hot button for a lot of people because when talking about any kind of Adoption or Surrogacy, I do not care who gave birth or who's biological matter is used, the real parents are the ones who raise the child, period. If you mean to ask who's is the biological parents, why does it matter, so long as it isn't you, it really isn't any of your business. If you must ask, ask first! Ask if you can ask such a personal question, but be ready to tell all about how your children were conceived, I mean really, be ready to tell the positions used, how much foreplay, and how many tries it took. Too personal? That is exactly the kind of information you are asking... Intended parents like me may have turned to science but that does not mean that the whole world is invited into our bedrooms (or procedure rooms).
Now again, I do not mind being quizzed, so feel free to ask me, but just be aware of how personal your questions may actually be to other intended parents.
Another boundary that is a hot button for me personally is the people that try and fix things for you. I do not know how many times I have heard people tell me, after they find out we cannot have kids naturally, "oh, well you never know..." and " I had a friend who was told she couldn't then when she gave up..." NEWSFLASH... Sometimes WE KNOW!! and really, you are telling me to give up on trying and then it will happen... it doen't work that way when you do not have a uterus. I have to try... there will be no accidents in my womb. If I want to fill my nursery I have to move heaven and hell to make it happen, this is not something a shot of tequila will fix.
My absolute favorite is, "do you have kids?" Me: "No"..."oh, lucky you!"
ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!
I understand that having kids is not all cuddling and kisses, and that kids can be a huge pain in the rear, but I guarantee life with kids is 10 times better than life without them!
I guess my point is just this, be aware that just because your boundaries are limitless, other's are not. Do not just reach our and fondle other people's privacy, and think about the sensitive information you are asking people to reveal.
What are your boundary pet peeves? Let me know in the comments below!